Tips for Helping Your Picky Eater

No Peas, Please: Tips for Helping Your Picky Eater

From preschoolers refusing to eat anything green to older kids who only want chicken nuggets and chips, navigating mealtime can be challenging. Tara Tanaka, MD, a pediatrician at Peninsula Pediatric Medical Group – Burlingame, part of Stanford Medicine Children’s Health, weighs in to help you understand more about picky eating and what you can do about it.

What is picky eating?

While it can be frustrating, mild pickiness is often manageable and part of normal development, Dr. Tanaka explained. A significant percentage of children will show strong food preferences at some point.  

“Having food preferences is normal, and there are developmentally appropriate times when kids will go from eating everything that you put in front of them to around 14 months, when they decide that they’re not going to eat everything,” she said. “Picky eating comes in when a kid has definite like and dislikes: refusing to eat certain foods, or a parent feels like they often need to prepare special meals for their child separate from the family.”

Preventing picky eating

Building an openness to different foods starts in infancy. Breastfeeding, when possible, can expose infants to a range of tastes based on the mother’s diet.

“Babies who are breastfed may have a higher acceptance of new foods when they start complementary eating. And that’s also associated with better chewing function in some studies,” Dr. Tanaka said. “Also, if moms are able to breastfeed, maternal intake of fruits and veggies during lactation may be one predictor of the acceptance of fruits and veggies when kids start eating too.”

When your baby starts eating on their own, think beyond the state one pureed meals. Incorporating different textures can help expand a baby’s future palate.

“Another strategy to prevent picky eating is introducing lumpy foods early, between 6 and 9 months of age,” Dr. Tanaka said. “Delaying lumpy foods has been associated with eating less of different food groups and is more associated with rare eating problems in some studies as opposed to delayed introduction.”

Model healthy eating at home

Modeling healthy eating is crucial: If family members eat vegetables, fruits, and other nutritious options together, children learn that these foods are a normal part of daily meals. “Kids are natural mimickers, and they will definitely try to imitate what’s around them. So, modeling healthy eating as a parent is another way to manage picky eating. When they observe their parents enjoying a range of foods, they are more likely to be open to trying these foods themselves.”

Encourage self-choice and participation

Dr. Tanaka recommends giving children choices and involving them in food preparation. This can improve their willingness to try new foods.

“Anytime a child can have a say or make a choice around what they’re going to eat, it’s definitely going to help them to accept it,” she said. “So shopping, gardening, cooking: These are all great strategies for incentivizing a child to actually eat the food that they’ve chosen or cooked or grown.”

Repeated exposure to new foods

Accepting new foods often requires repeated exposure. Dr. Tanaka explained that children may need to try a new food8 to 10 times before accepting it. “Many parents stop after less than five times. And it makes a lot of sense because after a couple of times, it seems like the kid doesn’t like it. So we tend to stop,” she said. “But really they should try introducing foods many times and not just repeated exposures but repeated varied exposures within meals.”

Dr. Tanaka suggested offering different types of fruits and vegetables in a variety of preparations and combinations. For example, serving carrots in different forms—raw, shredded, or roasted—and combining them with other foods in different ways can gradually increase a child’s comfort with the food.

Avoid food-based rewards

Offering desserts or treats as rewards for eating vegetables can backfire, making healthy foods seem like obstacles. Instead, Dr. Tanaka recommends non-food rewards, such as stickers or praise, to positively reinforce good eating behaviors. By avoiding the “eat broccoli, get a cookie” approach, parents can prevent their child from viewing nutritious foods as the “enemy” to be tolerated rather than enjoyed.

Adopt the Division of Responsibility

One of Dr. Tanaka’s preferred approaches is Ellyn Satter’s “Division of Responsibility,” a model that encourages a healthy balance in feeding. In this approach, parents decide what foods to serve, as well as when and where meals occur, while children decide which foods to eat from what is offered and how much to eat. By setting structured yet flexible boundaries, parents allow children to explore foods in a supportive environment.

“We want to be understanding that kids have natural likes and dislikes and try to respect that within these healthy boundaries,” she explained. “I try to reassure parents that it’s OK as long as the kids are growing OK.”

Use sneaky nutrition sparingly

Mixing vegetables into other foods, like adding kale to pasta sauce, can ensure that children get essential nutrients. While it’s a useful strategy for incorporating foods that a child may not eat, Dr. Tanaka emphasizes that this technique does not actually help to resolve a child’s picky eating. “In addition, I still think it’s important for kids to learn to enjoy food whole,” she said.

When to seek help

If picky eating leads to nutritional deficiencies, growth issues, or significant stress in the household, or your child is physically having trouble eating, it may be time to consult a pediatrician.

“If a kid relies on supplements, like PediaSure, to get enough to eat, if kids are excluding entire food groups, or their picky eating is causing ridiculously high amounts of stress for caregivers, the parent should touch base with their pediatrician,” Dr. Tanaka said. “There are also feeding disorders, like if they can’t chew well, if they’re having trouble swallowing or choking; those are red flags and need medical intervention.

Picky eating is a normal part of child development, but with patience and the right strategies, parents can foster healthy eating habits that last a lifetime. “Food is medicine,” Dr. Tanaka said. “We’re trying to shape our children’s choices so that they can have healthy eating preferences as kids and adults.”